Whiskey Day

Oh, boy do I wish I had some whiskey tonight! So after the whole car debacle the other day, I got my car back only to have it overheating again. I talked to the mechanic and he said to run it for a while to let the coolant flow through the engine. I did. It didn't. I bought more coolant and filled it to the "cold fill level." Then I drove it around and it was all right. Even today I drove it around and it worked out fine. Then we drove to Hometown Buffet to take advantage of the $20 gift certificate that I have that doesn't cover two people, but almost does. I'm not ungreatful for the gift certificate, but you would think that being that it was given as a gift for two people's meals that it would've covered it. But I digress. So we drove to Hometown and it was packed. Out-the-door packed. So we decided to come back during the week.

On the short drive home, the car reached just below overheating point. I started getting pissed. This always happens right before taking Jeanne to work. The rest of the week is all right. I always stress out about the car whether it will start or breakdown or whatever. Everything sucks about it. So we got a rental and almost didn't because we needed a $250 deposit on a credit card, which we don't have. Anyway, the counter guy was very sympathetic to our dilemma (sp) and disregarded the deposit. That guy has a huge place in my heart. Especially being that nothing goes my way it always seems to be one thing after another. If ever there is a good spell in my life, all that means is that I should worry more because something big is going to go wrong. And don't go thinking that I'm just thinking negatively about things and that's why it's happening. Fuck you if that's what you think! I used to take everything with a good sense of humor and just think, "Things will get better."

And they always did, and things always keep happening. But I would still go on. And that was my life. And then since this whole moving-to-California thing happened and more things keep happening and happening and I keep on saying, "At least things can't get any worse. This is probably just a sign that we need to get off our asses and find out what we need to do to progress. Things can't get any worse."

But it does. No matter how bad things get, especially to ridiculous levels, things still get worse and worse and worse and worse. How much of a fucking sign do we need?! Okay fucking God!!! The past four hundred fucking signs you have put in front of me was good enough. I get the point! We're trying to fucking better our lives. Back the fuck off and let us move on. What the fuck must we do to get past this?!!!

I can't take this anymore. It seems I can't get anywhere. We can't get anywhere. Everytime we thing we have a way out, the dream just gets further and further away. I don't want to do anything anymore. I really just want to give up on everything and move home with my parents and curl up into a ball and don't talk to anyone ever again. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything. We can't even go to school. We're so bad into credit debt and a shitty situation that we seriously can't do anything. We're stuck.